VS: The Cover. The Blurb. And Something More.

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velvetcover 2016 450dpi

The Cover

So, it’s been a long time coming, but final edits are being done on “The Velvet Sledgehammer.” And this will be the first of my books with an audiobook. And don’t be scared, but I’m doing the reading, which for this particular book, I wouldn’t want anyone else doing. It’s personal. Let me say, I have a new respect for audiobook narrators.

 

The Blurb

 

Billy Gerrick has been raised since childhood 
to be the best in the world at what he does.

Argue.

 

The Wall Street Journal calls him “The best thing to happen to world trade since the boat.” The Economist calls him “An insufferable bully.” The President praises him as a “Great American.” His beautiful, well-connected girlfriend thinks he’s the kindest, most generous man alive.
Only Billy Gerrick knows the truth…he’s a ticking time bomb. A flawed hero who has held it together all this time by sheer will. A man haunted by an overactive libido and an unending supply of willing partners. As the youngest Cabinet member in United States’ history, he’s a public figure whose personal demons are about to collide head-on with his professional obligations.
Now, on the eve of finalizing the most extensive international agreement in the history of mankind, he is forced to confront his past—the tortured triumphs, the comical failures, the painful childhood—when his girlfriend chooses this historic moment to pressure him about settling down and having kids. But if Billy Gerrick knows anything, he knows he’s the last person on earth that should be in charge of raising a child.
Sex, love, family, finding meaning, being human. This is the hilarious, unbridled, unapologetic journey through the life of a man who is part Holden Caulfield, part Alexander Portnoy and part Sun Tzu all rolled into one.
A relentless, insanely funny—mostly true—coming of age story…about a thirty-something finally coming to terms with growing up.

 

The Something More…

And here’s a sneak listen to the entire first chapter of the book. It’s funny and real, and I think you’ll enjoy it. If you like it, tell someone, share it with them. The book will be out in the fall, with the audiobook on Audible and iTunes.

THIS IS A MAINSTREAM ADULT NOVEL FOR MATURE AUDIENCES. Enough said.

Right click to download to a computer. Copy the link to paste in an audiobook app (MP3 Books in the Apple App Store, let’s you use it’s internal browser and download files).

Download “The Velvet Sledgehammer (Chapter 1)” via Dropbox

Play in Browser


 

 

 

 

Notes on Whatever #1

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Clean System #notesonwhatever

It’s in the Bag

This system has been perfected over years of development. It started with baskets, but you couldn’t just leave them anywhere, they were easy to trip over and have you ever stubbed your toe on wicker? It’s like regular stubbing your toe only with bamboo shoots stabbing under your nail. Then came the piles, but those ended up devolving into an even layer of clothing on the floor.

The genius came when my children realized that the bag they used to carry the clothes down to the laundry room could also HOLD the laundry after it was cleaned. That inspirational idea had one problem, not enough bags. That was remedied with a trip to Walgreens and the purchase of a dozen additional sacks.

artsig xsm

Notes on Whatever #2

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Napkin solar system

#notesonwhatever

 

My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas

The Solar System. Been around for awhile. So, in all that time, you’d think we could at least figure out what’s in it. I remember so many kids tried using Mnemonic Devices to remember the names. Honestly, I thought this was stupid. Is “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas” really easier to remember than Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto?

But times change. And planets, just like factory workers, get downsized. Eventually, we get better glasses and all of a sudden Pluto seems small in comparison to some of the other objects loitering at the edge of the solar system. “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas,” has now devolved into “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nothing…except a thousand random chunks of floating universe debris.”

Now, there’s talk of a “new” ninth planet. But if we let a little girl name it after a Disney character like we did the last time, we might end of with Olaf as our ninth planet. Which, I guess is fine if they discover it’s mostly made of ice.

 

 

Fontishness

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Some of you might be thinking, WTF, why is this site handwritten? Now, you may hate it, you might like it. I’m curious to hear. I did it because I wanted something more personal. So, I took some time, and made a font from my handwriting. It feels more like me when I see it up on the screen, feels more intimate.

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